Guilty as Charged

When I was sixteen, I stood before a judge and entered my plea. “Not guilty, your honor,” I said, my adolescent voice trembling with apprehension. Though I felt nervous being arraigned, I knew that I was innocent. My day in court was all thanks to an over-zealous highway patrolman, who decided to wrongfully issue two tickets. I went on to win the case and was cleared on all charges, in part because of my overwhelmingly convincing evidence, but mostly thanks to the fact that Mr. Tough-Guy-Cop didn’t even show and the judge cancelled the trial.

There have been other times in my life when I haven’t felt innocent. In fact, I have felt down-right guilty at times. For instance, once as a teenager I called my sister a bad name and pushed her on the ground. There was the time in middle school that I spread a rumor about a classmate that ended up with me in the principal’s office. Another time I shot a bird with a pellet gun and watched it fall dead from the tree.

In all of these cases I felt guilty, and rightfully so. I learned from these experiences, and the feelings of guilt persuaded me not to repeat the same mistakes. However, other times I have felt guilty for reasons which were likely more harmful than helpful. In these times I have twisted my religious beliefs into guilty feelings of “inadequate righteousness.” These feelings are most often self-inflicted, but they are, unfortunately, all too often used by others as a tool of manipulation.

A difficult period in my life took place over two or three months when I was a missionary. Along with the harsh realization that all responsibility for work was now in my own hands, I began to feel very alone. It wasn’t like early in my missionary service, where I had felt inspired, and had felt the Spirit of God guiding me in what I was doing.

When these feelings of inspiration and the Spirit had evaporated, I began to harbor irrational thoughts that perhaps I had done something wrong to deserve this change. Was I was guilty of some great transgression of which I was unaware? Surely, I thought, this had to be the reason for feeling so alone!

Luckily, these pointless feelings of guilt were extinguished when I read an article which offered me novel wisdom on the subject. I read that God often gives us opportunities to “go at it alone” in order to develop our character strength. I needn’t feel guilty of some great and hidden sin. On the contrary, I could feel the honor of being trusted to make my own choices and take personal responsibility for my actions. Within a few months, my mission was transformed, and the feelings of the closeness of God and His Spirit were stronger than ever.

Unfortunately, guilt can become a destroying side-effect of misused religion. People feel they are lacking, that they are unsatisfactory before God, etc. Even worse, at times one may attempt to instill feelings of guilt and despair in others. This is often a byproduct of these individual’s own feelings of guilt. It is as if they feel that if somebody else were to experience the same guilty that they are, the burden would somehow be transferred away from them. Hate to break it to you, folks, but it doesn’t work that way.

The type of guilt which destroys us rather than molds us into something better is in direct opposition to the principle of agency. God does not want us to feel guilty in this way. Certainly, if we recognize that we have done something wrong, some feelings of guilt are natural and a sign of our changing as a result. However, the lingering feelings of guilt and unworthiness can be very damaging, if we allow them to consume us.

We believe in a loving God, not a being who is spiteful and full of wrath, as some religious extremists would like to portray in order to control others. If you or somebody else is using religion to cause you too feel guilty for some un-identifiable sin, know that this isn’t of God. Learning the lesson that we are worthy and trusted children of God can cause us to feel happiness like we have never felt before.