Every returned missionary (or RM) ends up dealing with their post-mission life in a different way. For some, they take the kid-in-a-candy-store-approach, jumping from one shiny toy to another, catching up on movies, music, friends, and food they haven't had for two years. In many cases, catching up on sleep is also involved. There are others who go through a stage of denial, almost refusing to admit that their mission is over. I've heard stories of RMs coming home and continuing to follow the missionary morning study schedule, wearing a suit and tie, and keeping other missionary habits, all because they know of no other way to react.
In addition, RMs face the challenge of being the only person who really gives a rip about their mission experiences. They find that others are unable to grasp the magnitude of their adventure, and while some show polite interest, they and the friends that went through the experience with them, are the only ones who really “get it.” No matter who they are, and how adaptable they may be, every RM must face this inevitable transition. It can be a time of depression, confusion, anxiety, or resentment.
I am a big fan of Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings film trilogy. These movies all were released during the course of my mission, and I may have been the only person on planet Earth who hadn't seen them when I got back. When I finally did watch them, I identified very personally with a particular scene from the end of the final installment. After their long, trying adventure, and after destroying the one ring of power (and by so doing, saving Middle-earth), the Hobbit heroes return home to their quaint Hobbit-village in the Shire. Their friends and acquaintances from childhood had continued to live their lives, oblivious to the turmoil happening in the world (note that this is one of the major diversions the movie takes from the book). They find that they simply no longer fit in with the simple life they had left behind. They had toiled and suffered, stood in the presence of kings and watched good triumph over evil, while their village went about their day-to-day, mundane lives without a clue.
"Hobbit RMs"
I guess you could say I felt like a taller, only slightly less hairy version of our Hobbit friends. I hadn't saved the world, but I had been through an experience that changed my life in nearly every way. My friends and family were kind enough to show some interest in what I had done, but having not experienced it themselves, they couldn't fully understand what had happened to me.
While it didn't bother me too much, I did feel in some regards that I had taken a significant step backwards in my life. Why, for instance, was I able to do some many things as a missionary, yet still be unable to get a job for $6.00/hr.? Why had I been able to strike up deep conversations about life and eternity in Russian with strangers, but still feel so ridiculous when trying to talk to girls?
Reconnecting with old friends was nice, but compounded the difficulty of the situation as well. Many of them had also had their own missionary experiences apart from mine. They had changed too. Others had made even more significant changes in their lives, such as being married and even having children. It's amazing how much can change in two years.
Little by little, I acclimated to a new life epoch. Step by step, I regained my normal life skills and abilities. In the short-run, it's as difficult as any transition, but in the long-run, it's a good and necessary change. No matter what, something remains changed in the heart of the RM forever. The experience will go on to influence the remainder of their life. With each passing day, my mission becomes an ever-more-distant memory. But still, not a day passes where I don't reflect on what happened during that time of my life. The life after extends well beyond those few awkward months. A mission has the potential to forge the RM's path for eternity.
2 comments:
When I came home I watched the Return of the King with such a missionary eye that I saw the whole story of the restoration in it.
Think about it: Aragorn was Joseph Smith, the rightful authorized leader taking his place on the throne. He had to deal with the warden of Gondor who was just a place-holder (unauthorized clergy, if you will). He even marshaled the forces of the dead to overcome evil. And I had a lot more connections back then...
Anyway, you're right on about this returned hero theme. They don't understand and they can't. But I was always grateful for the people who took an interest and asked for stories.
Besides having a clip from my favorite movie EVER, I think the comparison is appropriate.
What's interesting is the phenomenon of the missionary who insists on sharing an experience in every talk or lesson they give, sometimes for years after. And I think there are a few lessons here.
First, I think the experiences one has on a mission aren't necessarily for the general public, or at least on a general level. There are certainly experiences that when shared can edify, teach or uplift. But does that mean we share an experience every chance we get? Perhaps not. Perhaps the experiences each missionary has are largely for the missionary and the family he/she will have, with the occasional sharing of experiences with others. I'm sure any RM can find a personal mission experience relevant to any topic, but I'm not sure that's always appropriate.
Second, and I know this isn't a new sentiment, but the mission shouldn't be the crowning achievement of a life; if one isn't having share-worthy experiences post-mission, something is off.
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