Despite the feelings I felt that day in seminary, I ended up deciding that the feelings were just some strange psychological occurrence within my own mind, and that they could not come from a divine, external source. Clinging to this assumption, I pushed these experiences from my memory as best as I could, and sought to continue my previously-chosen, religionless life.
I didn’t repeat seminary in the 10th grade. By that point there were far more classes to choose from. Though I maintained an interest in religion, I developed even stronger interests in other topics. I particularly enjoyed foreign languages, and chose to study German, which quickly became my favorite course. I didn’t realize at the time how large of a role foreign languages would one day figure into my life.
As an aside, I remember one particular instance, when I was discussing foreign languages with a classmate. She mentioned she had enrolled in a new internet-based Russian course. I remember a distinct thought suddenly penetrating my mind: “You need to learn Russian.” I subsequently forgot about the experience, though years later I, one day, unexpectedly recalled the interchange while I was serving as a missionary in Russia.
It was in high school that many of my classmates were beginning to really uncover their religious identity. I found this process fascinating to observe. Some of them clearly struggled, vacillating back and forth between the spiritual and secular worlds. Many completely shed their attachment to religion during the week, whether or not they continued to attend church on Sundays with their parents.
There were also many others who obtained distinct confidence in their religion. While such students were yet the minority, more and more of them began to demonstrate a clear independence in their personal beliefs. These students seemed happier, and had little difficulty standing apart from the swirling demands of popularity and recognition that often seem so necessary to high school students.
It was among these individuals, those most unfettered by their perception in the eyes of others, that I was most often confronted about my own religious beliefs. One of my friends was a very devout Mormon, and he and I would often spend time together, whether skiing or participating in other activities. To his credit, he was very polite about my own religious beliefs. He never talked directly about religion or preached to me, but I felt that he perhaps wanted to.
Because I had failed to re-enroll in seminary, I began to get frequent calls from seminary teachers and other students inviting me to return. One night, a group of students even came to my door, members of the “Seminary Council,”* who personally challenged me to come back to seminary. I politely declined.
During this period of time, I also began to recognize what living in a heavily Mormon community meant for me. I would, like it or not, be affected by Mormon culture. Like all youth during this stage in life, young members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints begin to give significant contemplation toward the issue of dating and romantic relationships. Despite my opposing religious beliefs, I was physically no different than any of my Mormon peers. Naturally, I developed similar interests in members of the opposite sex. I began to realize, however, that Mormon standards for dating and relationships** would most certainly affect my own social life. There was nothing I could do to change that.
There came a point in time when most of my friends began to “date.” I was left desirous to join in, and by age 15, I was eager to begin. Age 16, the age Mormon youth are taught they should wait for before dating, had no special significance in my own moral codes. But as I began to ask girls to go out with me, I was refused on several occasions, and told that such refusal was because of my age.***
I felt like it was discrimination, and used this as fuel to further justify my own reasons for not believing that there was any validity in what church members claimed to believe. I thought that perhaps I would get lucky, and find that one non-Mormon girl who would be perfect for me. But these were nothing more than fantasies. The reality was that the types of girls I had any interest in were almost always devoted Latter-day Saints. I started to look forward to college with great enthusiasm. I could last a few more years, couldn’t I?
* In places where Latter-day Saint students are permitted to take seminary classes through release time, there is often a student leadership council developed among the seniors. These individuals are often chosen by the seminary instructors, and tend to represent those individuals which the instructors feel best represent commitment to the gospel, and who will subsequently set a strong example for their peers.
** Mormon youth are counseled not to date before age 16. They are also counseled not to engage in exclusive romantic relationships while still in high school. For more information, see the brochure, “For the Strength of Youth.”
*** At least this is what I was told. I fully accept the reality that they may have been using this as an excuse.
I didn’t repeat seminary in the 10th grade. By that point there were far more classes to choose from. Though I maintained an interest in religion, I developed even stronger interests in other topics. I particularly enjoyed foreign languages, and chose to study German, which quickly became my favorite course. I didn’t realize at the time how large of a role foreign languages would one day figure into my life.
As an aside, I remember one particular instance, when I was discussing foreign languages with a classmate. She mentioned she had enrolled in a new internet-based Russian course. I remember a distinct thought suddenly penetrating my mind: “You need to learn Russian.” I subsequently forgot about the experience, though years later I, one day, unexpectedly recalled the interchange while I was serving as a missionary in Russia.
It was in high school that many of my classmates were beginning to really uncover their religious identity. I found this process fascinating to observe. Some of them clearly struggled, vacillating back and forth between the spiritual and secular worlds. Many completely shed their attachment to religion during the week, whether or not they continued to attend church on Sundays with their parents.
There were also many others who obtained distinct confidence in their religion. While such students were yet the minority, more and more of them began to demonstrate a clear independence in their personal beliefs. These students seemed happier, and had little difficulty standing apart from the swirling demands of popularity and recognition that often seem so necessary to high school students.
It was among these individuals, those most unfettered by their perception in the eyes of others, that I was most often confronted about my own religious beliefs. One of my friends was a very devout Mormon, and he and I would often spend time together, whether skiing or participating in other activities. To his credit, he was very polite about my own religious beliefs. He never talked directly about religion or preached to me, but I felt that he perhaps wanted to.
Because I had failed to re-enroll in seminary, I began to get frequent calls from seminary teachers and other students inviting me to return. One night, a group of students even came to my door, members of the “Seminary Council,”* who personally challenged me to come back to seminary. I politely declined.
During this period of time, I also began to recognize what living in a heavily Mormon community meant for me. I would, like it or not, be affected by Mormon culture. Like all youth during this stage in life, young members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints begin to give significant contemplation toward the issue of dating and romantic relationships. Despite my opposing religious beliefs, I was physically no different than any of my Mormon peers. Naturally, I developed similar interests in members of the opposite sex. I began to realize, however, that Mormon standards for dating and relationships** would most certainly affect my own social life. There was nothing I could do to change that.
There came a point in time when most of my friends began to “date.” I was left desirous to join in, and by age 15, I was eager to begin. Age 16, the age Mormon youth are taught they should wait for before dating, had no special significance in my own moral codes. But as I began to ask girls to go out with me, I was refused on several occasions, and told that such refusal was because of my age.***
I felt like it was discrimination, and used this as fuel to further justify my own reasons for not believing that there was any validity in what church members claimed to believe. I thought that perhaps I would get lucky, and find that one non-Mormon girl who would be perfect for me. But these were nothing more than fantasies. The reality was that the types of girls I had any interest in were almost always devoted Latter-day Saints. I started to look forward to college with great enthusiasm. I could last a few more years, couldn’t I?
* In places where Latter-day Saint students are permitted to take seminary classes through release time, there is often a student leadership council developed among the seniors. These individuals are often chosen by the seminary instructors, and tend to represent those individuals which the instructors feel best represent commitment to the gospel, and who will subsequently set a strong example for their peers.
** Mormon youth are counseled not to date before age 16. They are also counseled not to engage in exclusive romantic relationships while still in high school. For more information, see the brochure, “For the Strength of Youth.”
*** At least this is what I was told. I fully accept the reality that they may have been using this as an excuse.
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